5 to stay alive
It's Monday fuckers! You are really questioning your decision to stay above ground another week, or at least wondering why you hate yourself and torture yoursef with your shit job. Well that's why I am here knuckleheads. Your boy is gonna give you a real solid five reasons to not swallow the pills, yet at least.
1. No way you can check out now, you need to know the reprocussions of this weekend's sporting events. Unexpectedly great sports weekend. Triple Crown, Stanley Cup, NBA Finals are great even when we didnt think they woud be, Sarina wins, Joker doesn’t. This is why we watch, there is always something on the line even when it isn’t “sports armageddon” like earlier this year. The NBA finals, alone, have been worth the price of admission. Also, a lady took a shattered bat to the dome at Fenway this weekend, so if you wanna dive into death then try it her way: use all your money to sit as close as possible to a ball field, NASCAR event, or bull race, then proceed to bury your face in your social medias in a distracted effort to kick the bucket.
2. Horrible Bosses 2. I realize I am super late to this party, but I didn’t even know this movie was out yet, (it came out last year, and is now on demand.) I think this one holds up to the original. Chris Pine just steals the show, Christophe Waltz murders it, and the three main guys are never not funny. Absolutely worth a $3 rental, definitely if it’s free. Mmmmmm PO see's you orange.
3. My girl - Kacey Musraves.
Delicious, first of all, and then she drops slammaaaas. Each song is catchy, as fuck, but not too country poppy, and they also have heart and resonate with meaning. Check out Silver Lining, it leads off her album, "Same Trailer Different Park," and feels like it has the most of her quirky sense and thoughtful touch to it. Her radio tracks are all money, bunny, and there’s at least four on here - Follow your arrow, Biscuits, Merry go round, Smoke. All throw down. Again, you gonna say no to this?
4. Short and sweet. No this isn't a post about my dick. Laughter is medicine, kiddos, and if you wanna tie the noose then you need to laugh more. Easiest solution is to do it right before Monday to combat the worst feelings of the week, so Sunday night. Last Week Tonight with John Oliver. If you aren't watching yet jump onboard. He skewered Sepp and FIFA a full year before this scandal happened. I've never seen an episode where I didn't, literally, laugh out loud. This guy is amazingly funny, yet poignant. He is making waves in a way Stewart and Colbert wanted to. Get on this bandwagon. Fuck me, HBO Sunday nights! GoT, VEEP, True Detective, Ballers soon, The Leftovers, whenever they come back... they don't play.
5. A legit fear of mine is that George RR Martin is going to flatline before he finishes GoT. If he meets Ned before he completes boo 7 I will resuscitate the fuck outta him just to fucking kill him again. But my little knuckleheads, this isn't PO's 5 Pet Peeves... oh no. It is the five to stay alive, and we got word from The RR that he is doing everything in his power to release book 6 before season 6, (so less than a year for all you calender scientists). This is quality boner material for readers, and should give purely show-watchers a chub too, because the more George sees his vision come to fruition then the better and better he is going to write - for the show and the book.
That being said, episode 9 never EVER dissapoints, and last night was no different. Jaw to the floor at Stannis' decision and then Dany's deus ex machina. Riveting shit all the way through, but those were the big moments. I am already scared for next week, and since I am a book guy who has been surprised all season I am doubly scared. Pretty sure I will piss myself, AND it's Money In The Bank on WWE Network?! Fuck me, definitely don't die this week fuckers.
***Was google image searching "Game of Thrones WWE" because I am nothing if not 100% the best web searcher ever, and found this. Wrestlers put into houses with logos and house words. good shit. lolz for days. Ok, until next Monday, remember it ain't that bad. Be depressed with us. *rides dragon away* "bye felicia"